The arrival of Hannah

Praise be to Allah. The birth of Hannah is like a dawning sunrise to my life. Alhamdulillah. I am a happy mother today.

I believe this is the first time I wrote about my 3rd pregnancy. I first discovered I was pregnant encore for the 3rd time  on november 17th 2013. My feeling? Honestly it was a cocktail. Surprised, scared, why too soon? What would they think? Two is already a headache are we capable of three, now? I hugged my husband, took a deep breath and told him the news. He was much calmer and said he's happy about it and welcomed a third child all the same. Even at that moment. A pillar that I really needed then. And he was one. Still is.

So life went on.  I kept the news to myself (apart from my husband) for quite a while. I had the worst URTI in my life during the early days. For good three weeks I tried to avoid taking any form of medicine as I was still in the first trimester.  but it just got worse over time.   I took a course of cefuroxime eventually. I also suffered from a very bad rhinitis almost throughout the pregnancy, especially during the first half .with a farfetched wide  jobscope and hectic, stressful on-calls,  It was, in a way, physically challenging. But alhamdulillah,  I was free from morning sickness and emesis gravidarum. ( though there was another kind of 'morning sickness' occured on most of the working days of which had nothing to do with my gravid uterus. Huh!)
I didn't make it public till I was over 4 months pregnant.  Bump had started to show up a little and I think I should at that point tell my colleagues. So they knew. And many congratulated sincerely. Alhamdulillah.

My first scan  was around 9 week+ . Parametres were corresponding well with gestational age. Just  like the previous pregnancies, I did not encounter any major problems while bearing little hannah inside. My kk follow ups went smooth sailing all the way.

Except for 1 thing. She was a little bit small. We first noticed it when I booked my obstetrician around 24 weeks ( dr suraya of ksh again :))) ) a scan at that time revealed that her parametres were about 2-3 weeks lagged from her supposed age. However  based on the repeated scan two weeks later  she seemed to have caught up.  So, apart from the bad daily sneezing and annoying superior,  all went well again.

Then during my 3rd trimester scan  at 34 week poa by a colleague, she was found to be small again. Parametres was just about 30-31 weeks weighing about 1.7 kg. A scan by an obstetrician 3 days later confirmed this findings.  But other things were good. The fluid seemed adequate, placenta looked healthy, and blood flow through the placenta were excellent.  Eversince, I was given  2 weekly appointment with obsterician. Despite being a lil bit small for her age, she's  growing steadily, following the centile chart. She s otherwise fine all the way. As one of the  specialists ( dr melati) put it, may be she's just petite. Nothing wrong with that. She was estimated to be 2.1 kg by 36th week, 2.5 kg by 38th, and 2.85 kg 2 days before delivery at 39week6 days.

I took maternity leave 2 weeks earlier than my edd. We were in the process of shifting places too at that  time plus my maid was about to go back  for a long end of term break . I needed to settle a few things before the baby popped out, like enrolling my first born to pre school.

I had irregular painful contraction since 39 weeks but it merely came and go in paroxysmal pattern. Within that seven days or so, I woke up with the tinge of butterfly in my stomach wondering could this be the day ? At this point I had almost zero sadness and things were  pleasurable . I remember feeling this pleasant anticipation each day and closed my eye at the end of the day thinking may be she d come out tomorrow.

I was a bit confused when I should go to hospital initially. At what frequency and intensity of pain should I packed up for hospital ? The irregular bouts of contraction was playing trick on me. Sometime it was as frequent as every 3 to 4 minutes lasting like 20seconds , before gradually dissappearing for like 3-4 hours. This kept giving me false alarms, that I ended up in the hospital 2 days before edd. I was reassured and went back again.
I went again on my due date as I was advised not to allow post date. I was lying on the hospital bed by 12 noon and was induced with prostin by 12.30.  Pain began to be more consistent,  more frequent and more intense gradually. I had my loving husband by my side all the way and was joined by an ex primary school mate a while later. He was warded at that point of time too. I have to say, these two men helped taking my mind off the pain by chitchatting away. He was with us for more than 3 hours and eventually left ( for iftar - at home! ). So it was me and my husband again with nothing much left to say. My mind started to refocus on the pain and after 15 minutes I asked for a nubain.  Nubain was good. I felt light headed, drowsy, calm,  more clingy to hubby and much less in pain. This lasted for a good 4  hours before the contraction became agonisingly painful again. Hub was in the bathroom when it first came, to the point i shed tears. And when he came out, he called out for the nurse to have a look. I asked for another dose of nubain but the nurse was reluctant to give as it should be at 6 hour interval. She  offered to bring me to the labour room instead,  so that I could inhale the laughing gas ( nitrous oxide). I immediately agreed to this. 

We were in labour room by 10 30 pm. Contraction was searing and tearing my stomach apart. The initial os was about 4-5 cm effaced. By the next hour I was crying hopelessly in the labour room. All the time reciting zikir like the simple 'Allah' and the one that was recited by prophet  yunus 'lailaha illa anta subhanaka inna kuntu mina zoolimin'. Continuous head and back massage from the husband , tummy massage and soothing voice of guidance from the midwife was a big  -huge- help at that moment.  people always told me that the entanox was just a waste of time. For a long time, even with two previous labours, I believed this.  But this time i realised you have to do it right to make it work. It was all about timing when to inhale and when to hold your breath. I wouldnt have been able to do it without the midwife guidance ( when you were in such pain it was hard to take control of everything, even yourself!)
You see, this labour experience was rather different from the previous two. 

1) previous pregnancies, I had water break first before contraction pain. This time, I needed to be induced to go  into labour and even up the point that written above ,the amniotic sac was still intact!

2) I received epidural analgesia for the  former labours.  Though there were mishaps in both occasions ( harris - epidural jab was a bit too late. I went into 2nd stage right after. So I felt the strong painful contraction but not the bearing down pain. As with sarah, I had epidural from the beginning but it got blocked right before 2nd stage so I felt the bearing down pain but not the maximally intensified contraction pain.

This time I chose to try to do it without epidural analgesia. Hahaha kinda bad choice but I didn't regret it. It gave me a new level of confidence and I know I can bear such pain.

After 12 midnight the pain was so excruciating I was screaming  ( within tolerable range I think , lolz. This is one of the reason I chose to deliver in private centre. I couldn't bear hearing the ladies in adjacent cubicles screaming and all the supposedly encouraging shoutings from the doctors/midwives. I need the quiet and calm ambience.  So if there s anyone need to  scream it would be only me. Just me. Hehe). The doctor was called immediately.  Os was already 8-9 cm. Membrane was bulging  but  for goodness sake it just  wouldnt burst by itself!
Dr suraya attended calmly and ruptured the membrane with a hook. There was sudden temporary relief of pain while the liquour gushed as if coming out from a water hose . But not for long. I then knew the baby was about to come out. I could feel her head down within my pelvic cavity and crowned with each push.  The pain was indescribable.  I was among the luckiest not to have to experience it too long. Though it felt like forever,  it was just a less than 10 minutes deal. And there,   My 3rd baby was delivered and was put on my belly at 0025 on july 17th 2014. 25 minutes  exceeding her due date ;)  alhamdulillah , she was a beautiful perfect baby girl with excellent APGAR score. She weighed 2.86 kg. So the estimation was almost accurate! I was so tired post delivery that all I wanted to do was to sleep. I didn't have any tear . Just received 1 lap  of suture to catch a bleeder.

The ambience was just as I dreamt of. Calm, surreal and filled with tons of love. Everytime I delivered there would be this feeling of enormous gratitude to Allah and also as if our marital bond was tightened and upgraded to a new level. I didnt just say it. But  by God,  I can feel it does.

Our little baby was nursed under radiant warmer initially, as she was slightly and transiently tachypnoiec. Her initial blood glucose was also quite low. It was 1.5 mmol/l . I consented for formula milk enteral feed as a rescue measure, and since it was significantly low, we decided for  immediate intravenous dextrose bolus  too ( though the reading just prior to bolus was actually 3mmol/l) followed by maintenance infusion. She was fed via ryles tube as they were worried she might aspirate from the rapid breathing. But I breast fed her anyway ( the  breast milk was very scarce in amount at this point and she wasn't too tachypnoiec afterall ,  hence I felt it would be safe to do so ).  I let them continued enteral feeding via ryle's tube throughout the night as I didn't want to risk another episode of hypoglycaemia.

She was  perfectly well the next morning. We took off all the 'wires'  from her, put her in a cot and roomed her in with me. Yeay!

Her haematological investigations came back normal. Full blood count and film, crp ( though I dont see the point of performing this before 12 hours of life,
G6pd and cord tsh test : all were perfecto.

We were allowed home by noon.

it was a wonderful  journey bearing and giving birth to this lil baby. It s even more wonderful to have her in my arm , so tender and pure.

We name her  after one of the greatest women in  history, the mother of Maryam / mary : Hannah

Mommy loves you dearly little Hannah ..

My second pregnancy

i think it's high time i should sum up about my current being for the past 9 months. Pregnant encore.
i confirmed my suspicion of conceiving baby number 2 when my POA ( period of amennorhea) was about 5 week +

25th january 2012 pic taken at 8.15 am in the mo oncall room :) 

it's a mixed feeling all over again. is it too soon? are we ready for family member number four? but very excited all the same !

this pregnancy , i feel a bit different compared to the previous one. within the first trimester I was nauseous almost everyday and had two emetic episodes ( I had none when I was with Harris). 2nd trimester, I was easily breathless by 21st week.NYHA class 2 gradually escalated to 3 overtime  i supposed.  diaphragmatic splinting was rather early.

Baby started kicking at about 17 weeks. more or less the same like the first one in term of timing.

On-calls ( though never exceeded 5 per month ) were so tiring and by 30th week and above it had begun to take its toll on my well being significantly. I stopped doing calls by 32 weeks.the Post call  effect during the  last on-call i did was horrible. I could barely walk, gasping for air and every muscle attached to my bones was aching. 

Legs cramp was ( still is) a norm in the morning. really torturing. Couldn't lie on my back for more than 30 seconds due to the pressure effect on the lumbar vertebrae.

baby began to drop down by 33 week. therefore I could breathe better after that! but then the urinary frequency and stress incontinence worsens.

I did antenatal sonography for 6 times already so far. the last one was a 3D scan at KSH ( 6,11,17,24,30, 32 week) - well, there is no need for  such  frequent scans really ( once every trimester would suffice) but i just wanna have a peep at my baby ;-)

Braxton Hicks contractions began at about 33th week.

now at 35 week plus, fundal height correlates  well with gestational age, baby is in cephalic presentation, already 1/5th engaged , fetal limbs facing right, spine on the left. Sometimes, baby is kicking so hard that her fetal parts are visible and palpable  per abdomen.


I hope everything would turn out well. Mommy is soo looking forward to meet you in a month time little b ;) muahx

we are 3

in 20 minutes we'll be celebrating our third anniversary. only that we are currently 120 km apart :( but am positive still ! hoping for a lovely hubby-wifey anni-dinner tomorrow night! can't wait!! ;-) BONNE ANNIVERSAIRE  husband. we have been married for 3 years! 3 wonderful years with one adorable son:) more to come inshaallah. may we live happilly ever after in health, in wealth, in peace , in love :)

bonded love

lately harris is soo 'manja' with me. there are times when he would only be queitened by me. not that i'm complaining, i'm touched in a way to see that he has bonded well with me, but considering the nature of my job, we cannot afford such circumstance. while locuming last night, my hubby had to bring him to the clinic as he was inconsolable. and by the time he came, i had like half a dozen of patients waiting for me. poor my little child.


patient : anak dokter ke nangis kat luar tu? siannye

me: err...

My personal experience

Breastfeeding benefit from my personal experience :

1. a  huge contributing factor for a healthy and chubby baby I am granted with currently.
2. even though my baby was born with a low birth weight, his weight pick up exponentially after birth, surpassing many of his baby collesague, even those who have already aged 8 - 9 months.
3. mommy lose weight incredibly too! no jamu, not much exercise but may be hectic oncalls are to blame too. i weigh lighter than my pre-pregancy days :D
4. the physiological changes I endured during pregnancy have gradually dissapearing.e.g. hyperpigmentation is getting much lighter just as before :) it has gone back to normal now. luckilly no stretch marks.
5. satisfied feeling seeing bottles of breastmilk filling in the top compartment of the freezer :)
6. money saving! no need to buy those expensive powdered formula milk.
7. effective contraception. baby is 5 months old and Im still menstruation free. expected to last up to 6 months. we'll see ;-) 

I hope I could continue to breastfeed Harris for 2 years. Btw, Harris got his 5 month old  jab yesterday and he did not even cringe let alone cry when poked! kuat anak mama nyh ;p

Harris milkstock. Used to be more.. but because of frequent busy calls, it has depleted :(

weekend is here but no, i haven't weaned him :p

weddings and the mommy thingy

went to two weddings today: Zaty's and Rokiah's. I departed from Kuantan at 0940, left Harris and the maid at  chez grand-mere and set my journey alone. The two brides looked very radiant and lovely. didn't get to meet too many schoolmates though.. anyway, since I was Harris-free for a solid 7 hours, i have to endure the extremely uncomfortable feeling of  milk engorgement.
aduih.. i definitely have to excuse myself for milk pumping every 3 hours once i restarted working otherwise I don't think  I can work peacefully :D

We will be travelling to Jordan next week. Me, hubby and little Harris :) please pray for our safety ( and comfort) through out the long voyage, especially for my petit angel. budak comel itu sangat la mengasyikkan.huhu.

The arrival of Harris

ENFIN !! Our petit angel is here!!

Our baby was born on August 21st 2010 ( 21 / 08 / 2010 ) at 37 week and 6 days of POA. everything seems to happen timely. mama planned to start taking pre delivery leave on saturday, and there you were ! showing the sign of getting out from my womb as early as 630 a.m in the morning of saturday 21st.

I was about to perform my subuh prayer when i felt something dribbling down my legs. initially i thought it was the incontinence which i sometimes experienced when i cough or sneeze ( or any manouvre that increases intra abdominal pressure in that matter ). however, this one came unprovoked. I hesitated and sat for a while. it had gone. I then continued with my prayer. halfway performing it, the dribbling became more prominent.. it was more like streaming then. My prayer was halted. There and then I was pretty sure it was not urine. It was something else coming from a different tunnel. My heart skipped a beat or two. ' is it gonna be today?' 'for real?' and i kept asking myself the same thing over and over.
mama told papa of what happened. there were both happy and nervous expression on his face ( so did mine). we already pre planned to travel back to kuantan that morning as papa was supposed to work and my leave began that day. i did not feel any contraction pain nor having show at that moment, therefore we were not rushing and took our sweet time to prepare for the voyage to the hospital:)

we arrived at the Kuantan Specialist Hospital around 1015 am ( after stopping by wan and aki's house to pick up some essentials) and checked in. The liquor kept on gushing out that the back of my cloth was quite significantly soaked. mama was initially placed in 4-beds- room. it was ok but not condusive enough. lack of privacy i guess. The nurses were nice. as i lay on the bed, the midwife nurse began to set up the CTG probe on my belly. well, my dear boy your CTG was reactive :)

Dr suraya came to check on you and mama around 1215 pm ( as she had an OT case to run earlier). She's a very lovely consultant specialist. She advised me to have Prostin inserted (a per vaginal medication to induce labour) as i still did not feel any contraction pain even after 6 hours plus post leaking liquor. i reluctantly agreed as i knew she was right but also had heard the less favourable story about prostin induction ( especially about its hyperstimulated pain ).

I was right too. mama began to have a moderate contraction straight away right after 5 minutes or so post prostin. my cervical opening was only 1 cm prior to the prostaglandin insertion. After 1 hour, the pain was becoming more and more frequent and stronger. i was no longer able to smile or laugh at papa's jokes. Dr Suraya came to my bed again. my os was on ly 2 cm at that time. she then prescribed me with intramuscular pethidine to ease the pain. the drug did make me sedated but failed to do its main job : pain relief. i suffered for another hour or so with contractions frequency of every 15 seconds!!

i could not take it much longer ( with os that small n pain like you are almost ready to push!) hence requested for epidural analgesia. they then pushed me to labour room for the procedure. i was lucky to be pain-free while on the wheelchair. however the ultimate pain came while i was about to underwent the procedure. i couldn't describe how excruciating it was. the midwife checked my os once again before the procedure. it was 3 cm but cervix was already effaced, she said. my epidural was administered by Dr Nordin, an anaesthesiologist. i was crying, citing 'Allah' ' lailahaillallah' and the syahadah. i didnt know what else to do. Papa was there all the while from the beginning, holding me, massaging, kissing my forehead and stuff. He too was worried and sad, seeing his wife in agony.. the pain was soo strong that i bearly felt the epidural needle being poked at my back, luckilly i did not move. Dr Nordin gave mama a bolus spinal analgesia as well for immediate pain relief ( as epidural's will take 5 to 10 minutes to work). My whole body felt numb for a while after the drug was introduced. i was almost immediately pain free after the procedure. Then Dr Suraya did a VE on me once again. i couldn't believe her when she said my cervix had already fully dilated! what?? 3cm to 10 in 10 minutes????? - Yes it was a superfast precipitated labour..

they then hurriedly prepared me for second stage labour and arranged my legs in lithotomy position. because of the newly introduced spinal analgesia, i barely felt like bearing down. however the midwife was monitoring my contraction hence helping me to know when to push. the second stage was very brief, with papa, dr suraya and the midwife encouraging me rather ..casually i'd say ( as i was no longer in severe pain :D ) . Being a doctor was a plus at that time i guess. though i didn't really have the bearing down feeling, but i technically know the correct way to 'push' and it did help!! Papa got to see your temporal head for a while( and he was really amazed it seemed) before your head crowned. I initially refused for episiotomy ( KSH still applies the 'rule' - epi for all primid) but after contemplating about my baby well being ( estimated weight of 2.8 Kg , no continuous ctg monitoring at that time, prostin induced + precipitated labour which were all prone to cause fetal distress) I finally agreed. Dr Suraya performed the episiotomy when your head was crowning. and in a matter of seconds, you were already on top of me my dear.. no longer inside.

I was speechless and mesmerized. hearing your first cry and saw you moving your limbs actively gave me a relief : i knew straight away my baby had a very good APGAR score ( indeed it was excellent. your APGAR was 9 at 1 minute and 10 at 10 minutes!) . they put a linen separating you from my belly which i slowly removed so that your skin would touch mine. it was so surreal. both papa and mama were in awe. we are finally.. parents - To a lovely baby boy.

The bonding time was very brief. they then brought you to an open care to put you under warmer ( as well as to have you cleaned). papa went to see you and had you 'azan-ed' while the doctor and nurses were nursing me. I can't help smiling, feeling fully tranquil. i have delivered our very own child...

After half an hour or so, the nurse returned you to us. you are soooo cute and adorable and tiny. you weighed 2.41 Kg, with length 43 cm and head circumference of 31 cm. your sugar level was 3.4 mMol/L according to the glucometre. Dr Siti was your attending consultant paediatrician. the first thing papa told me after he saw you was ' comel nye baby, mata die kelabu'. indeed you are very cute and your eyes are beautiful as well as the whole of you.

by 530 pm. we are transferred to a single room which was waaay better than the previous one. you were visited by many of our loved ones that night. wan and aki, nenek and tok, your great-uncles and great-aunties. everyone was in a very cheery mood just because of you :)

i think i have written long enough. there were still alot of things to tell you. but i will do so in future entries.

we named you, our petit ange : Harris - a protector, the guardian of heaven :)

ALL ABOUT OUR BABY

i am currently at 37 week 2 day of period of amenorrheoa. my early scan at 11th week correlated nicely with my estimated due date. for the past 9 months my pregnancy-hood can be considered uneventful except for mild anemia ( whereby Haemoglobin level dropped to 10.2 currently from the baseline of 13) . I am considered risk-free from developing gestational diabetes melitus both interm of history and clinical ( thank God) but i still decided to have a go for Modified Oral Glucose Tolerance Test at 32 week POA JUST because I am more than 25 years old. Apparently it was supposed to be in the new GDM guideline, however since the screening was not cost effective, the ministry decided to scrap it off. My blood pressure maintains at 110 mmHg systolic/ 70 mmHg diastolic throughout.

I have completed my anti tetanus toxoid jabs in time and my infectious screening are negative. I felt the quickening as early as 17 weeks of POA, and the fetal kicks increase over time both in term of frequency and intensity. My husband and I can even recognise the fetal parts when the baby kicks prominently as I entered the late trimester :)

At one ocassion, as I went for my routine ultrasonography at 35 week 1 day POA, my baby's parametres were found to be quite significantly smaller than the expected range but growing still. Therefore I have to repeat scan ( done 3 days ago) to rule out the diagnosis of Small for Gestational Age. Glory be to God, it has been ruled out after the subsequent scan:) That was not the only matter that troubled me at that point of time. I also noticed he was kicking less actively than usual within about 15-20 hours, thus prompted me to have a Cardiotocography done, just to make sure the baby was ok. Baby is indeed in good condition. the CTG was reactive with sufficient accelerations and excellent baseline variability. yeay! and yes, the baby then started kicking and coiling around like no body business right after the CTG completed!

As for now, being a 37 weeker, I wait patiently and anticipatingly for the arrival of my baby. My first child . My fundus currently sizing about 36 weeks ( can still put my two knuckles in between the xiphoid sternum and the fundus) - in keeping with my pregnancy age;-) my baby is obviously a singleton, longitudinally lied, with cephalic presentation and head has alredy engaged by 2/5th below the pubic symphysis:)

baby dear, we are ready to have you in our lives :) muahx

2nd annivesary

26th of July 2008 : 20.09H

We were solemnised as husband and wife at this date and time. can't believe it has been two years since then. I still remember every bit of it and never tend to forget the historical moment. we upgraded our love to another level... and now after two years, we are about to reach another milestone - parenthood.

Happy 2nd annivesary husband. this (currently in-utero) child is our marriage's greatest gift :)

special entry

" i luv u my fair n luvly wife "

not that he seldom tells it, but it has definitely lighten up my night.

in fact, over and over, everytime he utters such things.

je t'aime aussi mon mari cheri.

nite:)

the years long overdue blog update ( I wrote this while I was pregnant with harris)

quick update :

1. now posted in paediatric. Frenzy, but loving the specialists and babies. not liking the prolonged working hours and oncalls:(

2.baby has started kicking as early as 17 week. another football fan in the making? ha!;)

3. weaning to maternity wears now. proper tailored blouses still not ready:(

4.special birthday treat from now-very-fatherly hubby at revolving restaurant a pair of Fred Perry flat shoes;-)

All that I am

erm. I am very lazy to blog lately. which is a good thing i guess.

but since i have nothing better to do at the moment, perhaps i should crap a little.

Have you watched Glee? interesting. i love their third episode in particular. the single ladies dancings were HIGHlarious. love kurt hummel even though he's so gay. but i can't stand Lea Michell ( and her character). seriously Glee needs to replace her. she is one ugly and irritating narcicist. and yet she's the main actress! bleughhh.

must be the hormone loathing her.

Otherwise I am happy. I am fortunate. I am blessed. I am thankful. I am in love. I am complete.

I am Pregnant.

recepi of healthy lifestyle

at around 10.45 today :

palpitation.silence.tinge of happiness.happiness.broad grin.hesitation.broad grin.questioning the reality.grin again.scary.palpitation.happiness.confusion.happy

that's the recepi of healthy lifestyle for today:)

i love all of you:):)

the transition

happy new year /end of the year everyone.

Life has been fantastic for me these days.
i am currently posted to acident and emergency department. already on my 3rd week now. for once, i enjoy my working life. Not because i love being a first liner, but because i feel like i am being treated as a human being again.very minimal superiority-ism, and most of all, proper time off;-)- something i ve been yapping about for the past one year.hohoho.

in A&E, i have met all kind of patients - from the ones who'll make you laugh till you almost get a vasovagal attack, to the ones who will really push your level of tolerance to the edge. i wonder how those general practitioner could still hold on to their sanity after all the chronic years being exposed to all the ridiculous presenting complaints. just yesterday a father brought his son to A&E and asked me wether i could cut his son's frenulum ( the cenrally located thin membrane that hold your tongue to the buccal floor ) because he claimed that his 8 year old son has a 'short tongue' speech. so he intelligently thought that by cutting the frenulum it will resolve the speech problem. what a fab father.

And my advice to the public; if you happened to be trivially unwell ( like sore throat, common cold, mild abdominal pain) or chrooonically unwell ( like 5 day history of vomiting, 1 week history of fever, 2 months of ear pain ) please do not opt to come to the hospital after 12 midnight when you could have come muuuuch earlier when there are more staffs around. it is quite ignorant of you to come and bugging us at wee hours for non-urgent illness, when those time and energy should be reserved to attend patients who really needs urgent intervention. total ignorant and inconsiderate.

personal life

we are buying a second car :) currently awaiting for loan approval. Our parents have been a lot of help in the process.can't thank the four of you enough. we are buying the car using cheri's parent's loan allocation and my parents so thoughtfully bought us a plate number. i wanted a number that is similar to our current car, but sombody has tendered for it earlier:(


the weather is very dull these days.cloudy and wet. reminds me of Dublin. and I miss it..
will go there again someday.
And dang.just a few days back i was suddenly super-hype with gucci's Ladies web hobo, this morning, i saw one of my senior colleague rocking one. bytch besnye:P

Someone special

i was browsing cheri's external hard disc earlier this evening and found this. An old memory abruptly resurfaced. i gave him this 6 years ago in reply of another mty bear(s). cheesy and lame i know but it's still freaking sweeet and.. lovey :P

it's mushy time - no need to read

hmm today, im pretty happy. why? coz hubby has landed home!! though not directly to me.. yet. lookin forward to spend lifetime with you bb. already started decorating chez nous. browsing home necessities around town ( though hasnt really bought them yet:P it'd be more fun to shop together wouldn't it?:P:P)

i am seriously in love with my husband,who was my first and last boyfriend - my bestest friend of friends. a husband for eternity ;X;X

with endless love n hugs n kisses

your now-high-spirited wife;-)

not just another day

it's the date i remember most. i have never forgotten it since i was 16.

happy birthday husband

Ladies first

what a nice pair of shoes. And legs. don't know why, but i do have a thing for ballerina shoes these days. and the shades of gray does complement her beauty. oh By all means, Michelle looks great too.

Barrack is quite lean for a president, don't you think? as for sarkozy, marrying a supermodel does come with a price. :D

i quietly turned 26 yesterday. it was a very humble birthday compared to previous occasions. what did I do at 12 midnight? - ambu-bagging one newly intubated patient while waiting for bed availability in CCU. i wished myself happy birthday under my breath and smiled.


i also had an end-of- posting assessment with the hospital director in the evening the same day. perhaps, it was my birthday luck, he endorsed and let me proceed with the next posting rather easilly. for the record, he is quite notoriously known for his liking to extend us housemen over trivial and petty stuff. that's why i felt like i must have had that birthday charm with me during the assessment hehehe.

and so, i called up several friends afterward to have dinner at secret recepi to sort of celebrate my getting-through with the pengarah. it was a fine evening. by God, i didnt intend to celebrate birthday at all, i didnt even order cakes. the reason i chose secret recepi was because i was salivating for their grilled blackpepper chicken. however one of my friends suddenly remembered the date and thus they threw me an abrupt and brief birthday party. thanks anyway. like i said. it was a fine evening.

thanks miey and dolly for the lovely thoughts. these two has so far never failed to wish me happy birthday since they first knew me. i am touched - greatly.

and most of all, thank you my dear great loving husband for all the love, thought and care you have showered me with. it was so sweet when you said your love for me would never be the same today and tomorrow as it keeps on growing each day. that was very sweet and i will never forget that for eternity. i just hope you kept your words for just as long.

i love you, baby.



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My Mr Darcy

you know , i have always thought Mr Darcy in both P&P and Bridget Jones' diary is charming. How I would be smiling dreamily every time i watched or read them. the most recent one being this afternoon- leading me to write about this hehe. but in reality, I am not too sure if I want my husband to have a personality as such. I like the romantic part of it but I don't fancy the excessive pride displayed by Mr Darcy's character - if it was for real. no, my husband is no Mr Darcy in term of self pride. but he is just as reserved, and just as well- composed as Mr Darcy - TO ME. if only he was just as rich :P:P

don't worry hubby, money only matters when you are truly broke :p

I have been in contact with my close friends since i got back from France. It feels wonderful to hear from them. But now I dread to start working. i have heard unfavourable rumours of the hospitals i applied. i really really hope that i would find it otherwise. i don't want to be in that miserable state of depression! I am done with feeling pathetic for myself. i just want to be happy or moderately low at worst. too much to ask for but ask i did. i want to be someone who would not regret what she chose in life. career is definitely one of them. a major one infact... oh hell yeah, let me get lost in my own fairy tale land. a place where we all can live , happilly, ever, after. oh just let me:P


Mr. Darcy: Miss Elizabeth. I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you... I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony.

Elizabeth Bennet: I don't understand.

Mr. Darcy: I love you.

Me : owhhh....

bitte gib mir nur ein wort

c'est le Bon Dieu qui nous fait
et c'est le Bon Dieu qui nous brise
It's the Good God that makes us
and it's the Good God that breaks us

extracted from the song Caravane by Raphael

i met a foreigner at Starbucks the other day. we went there for the same primary reason ; internet access. and surprisingly with a same mission ; to find out the latest result of US presidential election. although i did have another bigger and fatter mission of wanting the internet access so badly; which was to 'buzz' my husband's yahoo messenger in hope that he would wake up to the annoying sounds. because i miss him awfully much. Alas, much to my dismay, his sleep was not disturbed at all by my lousy attempts. i couldn't call him as i am yet to activate the IDD call service. My parents were out of town hence no phones to borrow. i don't like to be in that state of desperation. it's just soo freaking frustrating and nothing i can do about it.

anyway, the mat saleh atuk was, dare i say, poorly literate in IT. Therefore he kindly asked me to establish the internet connection for his computer. Apparently he just bought it 2 weeks ago . he is one of the typical westerners who prefer to spend most of their pension money on traveling around the world. He was so delighted to finally find someone whom he can discuss international politic with. hahahah. talk about bumping into the right person :p no, I'm not good at it but i sure like to talk about such things.



a mon mari cheri,

my life is much more meaningful now than it was ever before. i look forward to spend eternity with you. i miss you terribly yet i'm at ease and feeling very secured and fortunate to finally be married to you. am grateful on being officially yours. voici, j'ai mon coeur ancre dans ton coeur ;X hope i french it right again ;)