gambar hiasan

it's been a while since i last wrote . i guess today i want to discuss about work. again. can you believe my odd , getting THREE  MAS* with PPHN** in THREE consecutive oncalls! i just shook my head in disbelief. may be God wants me to learn tip top in managing pphn. one survived one died and one is still battling. May Allah save this one too...

if you think about it, labour is a very risky phase in pregnancy.It can be tragic. some children grow well in utero with no complication at all, ready to get out of the womb. but, because of complications such as prolonged 2nd phase due to various reasons, commonly poor maternal effort in pushing, or cord prolapse,  or sudden placental abruption, they  end up with severe asphyxia , with sequalae or even death. the same goes to those baby who passed meconium ( poo) in utero (which happened alot) . at the very moment they are about to come out, a few number of them swallowed and aspirated the meconium into their lungs, causing blockage in gas exchange therefore compromised breathing.
i can't help feeling sorry for the parents. they surely have imagined a better , more cheerful life with a new member in their little family, but end up in sorrow and grief because of one unfortunate event during labour.  it would be different if things have already been anticipated long before labour. atleast they are mentally ready..

alas, this is life. i'm glad i could be at the other end. trying to save these babies. most of the time it was not apreciated at all, which is fine as we do get the satisfaction solely  by resucitating and managing them without their parents thanking. it just that sometimes these people went overboard by complaining of petty things added with false statements that makes me think, your child was almost dead and he survived well  after much effort to revive him from going 6 feet under  and you are still complaining?? ungrateful cows you are.

* meconium aspiration syndrome
** persistent pulmonary hypertension of newborn

The prime lecture

Had a nice chat with my big boss yesterday morning, about so many things. Mainly of my future plans. The conclusion by the end of the day was to be in this field required one to be an independent, strong willed superwoman. I love what I am doing at the moment. Big chance Id persue neonatalogist as sub specialty. Long time down the line there is. Who knows I d choose a different path. Not yet at the crossroad. Inshallah will write More properly later. Haven't logged in for quite a while. Am on call currently. Waken up by a phone call for resuscitation of a non vigorous baby. Primary apnea perhaps. Was fine by 1 minute. But now I can't sleep!-

bonded love

lately harris is soo 'manja' with me. there are times when he would only be queitened by me. not that i'm complaining, i'm touched in a way to see that he has bonded well with me, but considering the nature of my job, we cannot afford such circumstance. while locuming last night, my hubby had to bring him to the clinic as he was inconsolable. and by the time he came, i had like half a dozen of patients waiting for me. poor my little child.


patient : anak dokter ke nangis kat luar tu? siannye

me: err...

Dinner at my place!

I hosted an 'end of posting' dinner on the 2nd March 2011 at chez moi. it was awesome.
My leave started on that day, therefore i began the morning quite late, geting cozy with harris in bed till 9 am hehe. by 10 o'clock, I went to the market with grand-mere, buying quite a lot of stuffs. damn, the 2 kg meat loaf costs me a whopping 46 ringgit! i never knew it was that expensive ! ( as i never bother to do grocery-shopping at wet market for the last two years :D ), so along with that, we bought 6 whole chickens, vegies and spices. by 12.30 pm, we started cooking. the menus and work assignments are as follows :

• grandmother recipe of buttered rice - obviously by my grandma
• chicken with red chile sauce ( ayam masak merah la tu) - by grandma and maid
• paprik-style vegies - by maid
• vanilla muffin - by auntie
• cottage pie - by me!!
• chicken and beef satay  - ordered from pak cik din :)

the rice was delicious!the cottage pie as expected, was way below par compared to the rice tastefulness quality but edible anyway haha.

My cottage pie was next to the muffin, not within the captured scene ;)

Many of my close friends came and was so touched as some of them came from as far as chini, lipis and sungai tekam for the sake of honouring my invitation! one very good pal even swapped on-call that day so he could join us.  two  surgeons - whom i lookep up to very dearly- were also among the attendees eventhough they had to go through pouring rain to get here. no words can describe how thankful and touched I am.

Harris was the centre of attention that night.  everybody was taking turn holding him:D when Harris was held by  one of surgeons, I ( automatically) whispered to myself : May you be a succesful surgeon like him one day, my child =)

for my surgical colleagues, thank you for making me feel very welcomed while I was there. I truly enjoyed working as part of the team. We have a great set of comitted surgeons, dedicated MOs and  (some) reliable housemen :) I don't mind prolonging my stay there actually, but need to move on with what I decided to pursue.Inshallah the friendship would remain :)

* now trying to picture Harris as a surgeon .. hmmmm :D

brand new year

life feels a bit brand new these days. i guess i would just keep it to myself as for the reason why.

My placement has been confirmed. Behold! I am entering Paediatric department by March 7, 2011 as a full fledged medical officer :)  I received  my full registration and APC as early as when I first joined surgical team actually but still need to complete my last posting as a house officer. anyway I did ( n still do) a medical officer job and calls there all the same.

May Allah guide my every decision and would not left me deserted.

time to read  again!(after a long long time).

now.. when will i get my UD44 pay? huhuhu.

post call

survived my first oncall after a loong break. let's see my list of admission and referral. started off as early as 900 am and went on until 3.00 am before i can finally dozed off. i don't have too many admissions but the referral were mostly critical and major cases. 1 dissecting aneurysm of abdominal aorta, 3 upper GI bleed, 3 intracranial bleed and the rest were minor cases. three deaths out of the total of 14 referrals. 1 died in district hospital ( i was waiting for the case since 11 am and only found out by 1 am the next morning that the patient had passed away), 1 died in casualty and one in the ward. what a day ( and night!) right?

 jonas brothers sungguh.


was so eager to go back to meet my little Harris the next morning.

surgical palpitation!

i will be doing my first oncall in Surgery this friday. MO call. scary! luckilly i'm gonna be oncall with a 'benign' specialist huhu. i am aiming for a very least number of admissions and in house patients, please and please be stable!

hubby will be out stationed to singapore at that time. Harris will be left parents-less for a night :( not liking it :(

Hi ho merry ho!

what a waste not to blog all these while when too many good memories gone uncaptured in writings. a quick update then.

1. I am currently posted in paediatric department. Frenzily working with babies. they are cute but sometimes can be annoying when you have to stuggle like hell to set a line for them. but all in all, it is fun to work when little babies revolves around you. makes you want to have your own, really.

2. Early pregnancy days, i was always tired. Energy treshold was very low. not so much of mood swing, more of euphoric swings actually, which is good:) and oh, I did not vomit even once. what a good baby in here. thanks for not making mommy suffers:P but certain smell really exagerrated my olfactory nerve e.g some foul smelling diabetic foot. erghh. made me nauseated whole day, had to take maxolon to get rid of it! yes , I had cravings too.

3. booking done at eleventh week. I am embarrased to say that I am not compliant to supplements when that was what i preached to every pregger i attended. well, not when i have to endure constipation because of hematinics! so nowadays, i sort of play doctor a little bit ( am i not one?;p ) Every now and then, i will take a look at my palm. so far it is still fairly pink. and my Haemoglobin level is still static 2 months in a row. so i guess i dont need the hematinics... just yet.

4. April was my birth month. I received a pleasant surprise ( was it?:P ) birthday treat from my now-very-fatherly husband at the revolving restaurant on the top of KL tower:) it was quite an experience. loving both the sentiment and the place. Hubby bought me a stunning Fred Perry peep-toe flats to wrap up the day. so Gorgeous!!


5.our little angel has begun kicking as early as 17 weeks. quite early for a primigravida ( first pregnancy), and nowadays the intensity is even harder. hmm a footballer/football fan in the making?hehe. you can team up with me honey:) (since my hubby is hardly a football observer, let alone a fan:P )

6. My entire household ( except for me, hubby and latest my dad) are going to perform Umrah this June. my dad has to cancel his trip due to working commitment. i obviously can't go due to my growing tummy. feel a bit sad as we couldn't go together as a family.

7.booked our obstetrician yesterday. if God willing, i plan to deliver in KPJ hospital. really hope baby wouldnt come out too early so we can get there in time when in labour. otherwise i may have to deliver in my working hospital which would defy the purpose that makes me want to deliver in private centre in the first place. we'll see...

8.today is mother's day! planned to bake a cake for my mother.my mother has also pre-planned a family photoshoot later today (and a subsequent Hyatt dine-out) as today is among the very few days when all of our siblings are around. i have to call hubby's mom too to wish her so:)
Happy mother's day! - oh by the way, i tried to make macarons the other day but failed miserably so now im planning to reuse the stuff i bought and change them into a cake.it'd better work!

the years long overdue blog update ( I wrote this while I was pregnant with harris)

quick update :

1. now posted in paediatric. Frenzy, but loving the specialists and babies. not liking the prolonged working hours and oncalls:(

2.baby has started kicking as early as 17 week. another football fan in the making? ha!;)

3. weaning to maternity wears now. proper tailored blouses still not ready:(

4.special birthday treat from now-very-fatherly hubby at revolving restaurant a pair of Fred Perry flat shoes;-)

The P News

One Hospital staff ( a cleaner to be exact) visited A&E clinic this morning accompanied by her mother. She is small sized, age 21, presented with vomiting for the past five days and lethargy. I was busy attending another patient when a medical assistant asked for my help to assess her hydration status. by checking her tongue and skin turgor, i concluded that she did not need to be intravenously hydrated.

Medical assistant : should I send a BUSE? (blood urea and serum electrolyte
- a biochemical investigation)

me : Sure. Do whatevs. (with the tone of one busy doctor. hohohoh)

then, 2 hours later, A staff nurse handed me the girl's card.With a result. which is not a buse result. But a urine pregnancy test. It was circled positive.

me : (gasp) I thought we only send A BUSE sample..

Staff nurse : I have a feeling it would turn out as it is now ( grinning)

then, we called the patient in :

Me : So You muntah2?

girl: yes. kenapa dgn saya doktor?

Me: You tinggal dgn siapa?

girl: dgn emak

Me : ada boyfriend? ( as i already know she's not married)

girl: sudah lama putus doktor

Me: ye ke? ujian air kencing you kate lain.

girl: kenapa doktor? ada kuman ka?

Me : ( dlm hati - tak, ada orang) . test yang kami buat ni menunjukkan awak mengandung.

girl : (dgn muka terkejut beruk) mana boleh doktor. Saya tadak Kawin lagi.

at this point, i feel like slapping her. this is the second time i received such exact response when told the P news. Will you people stop correlating pregnancy and marriage ? Not that I approve pre-marital sex but being unmarried does not biologically barricade you from making babies!

so, after prolonged interrogation, she finally admitted of having slept with the babydaddy last month, but only once ( yeah right:P)

after the consultation, the mother approached me.

girl's mother : Apa masalah anak saya doktor?

i looked at the girl and hesitated. she shooked her head behind her mom. I sighed.

Me : ada masalah dgn air kencing dia. lain2 you tanya dia sendiri ya.

i left. I hate to be in that situation. I must uphold to patient's confidentiality but at the same time I'm not supposed to lie. sometimes, it is best ( for my benefit) if the extramarital pregnancy involved underaged girls. I wouldn't have problem telling it straight to their mom :D . jahat kah? but then again.. they are even worse arent they???? ;-)

the transition

happy new year /end of the year everyone.

Life has been fantastic for me these days.
i am currently posted to acident and emergency department. already on my 3rd week now. for once, i enjoy my working life. Not because i love being a first liner, but because i feel like i am being treated as a human being again.very minimal superiority-ism, and most of all, proper time off;-)- something i ve been yapping about for the past one year.hohoho.

in A&E, i have met all kind of patients - from the ones who'll make you laugh till you almost get a vasovagal attack, to the ones who will really push your level of tolerance to the edge. i wonder how those general practitioner could still hold on to their sanity after all the chronic years being exposed to all the ridiculous presenting complaints. just yesterday a father brought his son to A&E and asked me wether i could cut his son's frenulum ( the cenrally located thin membrane that hold your tongue to the buccal floor ) because he claimed that his 8 year old son has a 'short tongue' speech. so he intelligently thought that by cutting the frenulum it will resolve the speech problem. what a fab father.

And my advice to the public; if you happened to be trivially unwell ( like sore throat, common cold, mild abdominal pain) or chrooonically unwell ( like 5 day history of vomiting, 1 week history of fever, 2 months of ear pain ) please do not opt to come to the hospital after 12 midnight when you could have come muuuuch earlier when there are more staffs around. it is quite ignorant of you to come and bugging us at wee hours for non-urgent illness, when those time and energy should be reserved to attend patients who really needs urgent intervention. total ignorant and inconsiderate.

personal life

we are buying a second car :) currently awaiting for loan approval. Our parents have been a lot of help in the process.can't thank the four of you enough. we are buying the car using cheri's parent's loan allocation and my parents so thoughtfully bought us a plate number. i wanted a number that is similar to our current car, but sombody has tendered for it earlier:(


the weather is very dull these days.cloudy and wet. reminds me of Dublin. and I miss it..
will go there again someday.
And dang.just a few days back i was suddenly super-hype with gucci's Ladies web hobo, this morning, i saw one of my senior colleague rocking one. bytch besnye:P

job

my assessment went rather well the other day.
i was able to answer all the orthopaedic questions she threw at me.
but i did meet a cul- de- sac finally to a GENERAL MEDICAL question : which was ' massive blood transfusion complications' - something that has never really crossed my mind to be asked about and something that i definitely couldnt twist with my logic because when i looked upon the topic after that, it was way out of my 'goreng' circuit. but at least now i know what the complications are;-) and oh, i cant believe i struggled big time with hypovolaemic shock grading. quite embarassing and unacceptable when i think about it.

anyway, i did have something to cheer about post-assessment. initially , my assessor told a good friend that i have passed my assessment. then, she even told a class of medical students + some fellow housemen that i did pretty well for my assesment. it definitely made my day *-^

survey , sorta

do i like my current posting?
yes and no.

Yes to the HOD, yes to the likable and ever very pleasant and professional chinese specialist, yes to the nurses team (mostly), yes to a handful of colleagues, yes to a few MOs.

but no to the shouting-prone specialist, no to those who practise favouritism, no to the stressful pass over sessions, no to the long ot sessions, no to drama filled meetings, no to drama queens!

otherwise, life is good on and off work :)

post call

turned out i had a busy call yesterday. 14 admissions and 3 discharges. but it was a good call. i enjoyed the company of the A&E team and some helpful colleagues and nurses. well, in ortho the call itself can be quite exciting actually; but what makes us rather reluctant (or dare i say 'phobic'?) to face it is the pass-over session. got lectured pretty long on certain topic by my specialist, but that was like blah compared to the possibility of being shouted at, which i am so relieved to escape.
had a long nice sleep this evening. :)

will be jorneying to SP tomorrow eve.

good night cheri. good night every one:)

neuroprexic state of mind

feeling a bit off today. hubby dear went back to kuantan early this morning. working life occilated between timid cheerfullness and mood-wrenching episodes. ah well, should i care more? yes of course no i shouldnt. let's apply what DR F , a senior psychiatrist, said the other day during the stress management CME; you yourself decides whether you want to be affected by the given situation or not. and this time, i will try my best to be optimistic.

come what may. i ll face it with a smile :)

we bought a refridgerator :P

God, please grant me a good call tommorow and smooth pass-over session the next day.
n God, i beg you to let me have my mini break by the end of this week ;-)

MY Best Friends' weddings

alhamdulillah. i have a marvellous time for these past few weeks. I'm happy at work, I'm happy at home. why? for many reasons.well, i have only three oncalls last month. Plus, a more than willing friend will take my call this coming weekend, my two bridesmaids -Miey and Ally- has just got married (attended) and is getting married (will attend) respectively (hihi), meeting fams during eid, pampered meself with a pair of armour plate buckle flats for raya friends coming over for eid, etc etc etc. but most of all, i am very ultimately happy to be at my husband's side again. with him around, everything seems to fall into place as its should. it partially feels like miracle, you know. whatever it is, im just grateful, and cant thank God enough for it.

Miey and Afif, what more can we say . CONGRATULATION!!
I was so touched when I heard the akad. the Tok kadi was the one who was nervous instead of afif who sounded so steady when declaring the akad:P and yes miey, id say this again ; Finally! ;-)
many Tahapian friends turned up at the reception. it quickly became our batch's unofficial mini reunion. the bride and groom were looking very radiant. it was a very harmonious saturday. meeting friends I havent seen for 9 years ( i'm feeling very old:(( ) at my bestfriend's wedding:)
it was rather incredible to find out what each and everyone of us has become, an ADO, daddies, mommies, husband and wives, lecturers, etc and then looked back at what we were 10 years ago. i know i personally have changed a lot since then ; in both priciples and attitude, although it is not something i regret doing. as i age through time and space, I sort of discovered a wider perspective about life. and I'm glad that my husband and I are sharing many similar views .aah.. c'est la vie and jai ho :-)

to all tahapian friends, Hanis just delivered a beautiful 3.1 kg baby girl ( alia aqilah) early morning yesterday via caesarean section in HOSHAS. both baby and mother are well;-)

pmc/dubliner mates, hope to meet you guys at ally's wedding this weekend;-)

orthopaedics

My first impression about this posting was not a good one. i came to a pretty fast conclusion that obs and gynae team was waaaaaaaay better organised than the ortho team. up to today, my impression hasn't changed. i sort of enjoy orthopaedic posting as well, but i realised that i ve lost so many privilleges too, which i enjoyed during my time in O&G.

• first of all, i have no more weekend off.
• secondly, ortho's staff nurses are relatively unreliable in comparison, in almost every way.
• thirdly, housemen have almost always become the team's scapegoats.at least in O&G we have our dear HOD to back us up.but in ortho, even if the downfall is between the specialists to begin with, they will find a way to twist and turn things until they find a houseman to put the blame on, followed by unnecessary punishments and threats; which to me is ridiculous and disgraceful.
• fourth, i hate threats!
• fifth, i dislike nursing ulcers and broken bones.(for my sake, u diabetic people please do not take your feet for granted! start caring for it!!)
  

it's about time they realize the karma in gaining respect. respect is something you earn. u treat others like shit, you'd get the same in return. we might obey whatever you have to say, but God knows what we are bitching about you behind your back.
i know for a fact that surgical posting will be worse. their specialists and senior MOs are literally gangsters.from what i heard there had been a couple or more instances whereby patients got beaten up. and oh, they have a very absurd oncall rules.. stupid really.

fortunately, to topple all these negativity , is the fact that my husband is finally home for good. and i have a handful of nice friends as well ; which is why, i am not too stressed out by all these dramas.

so far, i have quite a peaceful Ramadhan too. alhamdulillah. most of the time i break fast with my grandparent and sis. i have bought my baju raya too ( hohoho). hubby and I will be wearing maroon-ish pair of clothes inshallaah;-) mum n dad will be wearing golden brown perhaps. raya cookies? havent thought of any. will deal with that soon:P

mie and afif is getting married after raya. and i would smile to even the tinge of thought about it, knowing their cute history from the beginning and finally tying the knot inshaallah;-) selamat bersiap, jgn panik2. it will be a blissful day definitely. something you will remember all your life and light you up even when the whole world betrays you. chewah. but really, that's the power of being in love and its celebration. it makes you feel at ease. settled. secured.

i love you. husband. family. and friends.

love , job, and les ballerines

My Best friend is engaged! too bad i couldn't attend the ceremony as i was away.
congratulation dear! i am sooo happy for the two of you. still waiting for pictures;-) muahxxxx ;X

secondly, i am leaving obstetric and gynaecology department for ( drummmmmm trtrtrtrtriittt) ... ORTHOPAEDICS . the fist remark a colleague made when i told her regarding the news ' wah, jobless lah kau 4 bulan pasni :P ' i sure hope so. but the problem is, i am not really into nursing gross diabetic food and fracture reduction and polytraumatic management. oh well, what the hell, it's ortho baby. enjoy it while it lasts. hohohohoh! i'm gonna miss O&G though. i have sort of built a bond with the team; specialists, mo's, ho's and some nurses. the best HOD ever resides in ONG and im leaving it:( quite emotional about it. huhuh.

i have added a few more stuffs into my collection, and am loving every inch of them!!
welcoming portefeuille Sarah and another (graffiti zucca ) ballerina shoes ! man im deeply into balerina shoes these days.

oh baby, i love you



other ballerines that attract my heart and eyes are chloe's ballerina slippers and LV's ballerina mayfair

awww how cuteee. if only huhuh. but of course, ballerina shoes has somewhat always been chanel-esque, so may i say it would be imperfect not to dream of owning its flats!

all flats bow to Her Majesty :P

c'est pas trop tard pour le change

sometimes i wonder if i had made a right choice by being a doctor. I am not so happy with my given tasks most of the time for now, but something is telling me I'm gonna be grateful and delighted to be where i will be eventually. i really pray my intuition would turn out right.
why i don't like it much for now?

well, first of all i hate being bossed around - i don't mind specialists - but i hate unnecessary orders by the seniors ( especially if they are just the budding ones - mengade nak mampus) and utterly hate it when it comes from the nurses. man i hate that. i love my current head of department. she's like an angel seriously. a very rare quality for a Malaysian specialist ( who thinks superiority is compulsory to be displayed in every possible channels they could think of- an attitude that rarely worn by the mat saleh Irish specialists i believe. my H.O.D would defend us the mere housemen from stupid complaints notably coming from a few particular Sisters ( one is a serious bitch) anda handful of idiot plus ignorant nurses. uhhh i totally love it when she threw back the dung right onto their snub faces warghaahahaha! and if it was not for her, i doubt i could be flying to Paris for - what most of my friends called - our second honeymoon. i m not really sure what honeymoon supposed to mean exactly; i mean we've been married for almost a year - but yes i think i did suffer honeymoon cystitis afterward :P

secondly, the on-calls. i don't appreciate a series of disturbed sleeps let alone sleepless nights! what even bothers me is how frequent they are. My husband did voice his concern that i wont be around much for him considering numerous monthly on-call nights. we haven't been staying together yet since i started my housemanship. so i honestly don't know how exactly it's gonna be.but i seriously want to work it up to maximise my time with him - if it be within my power. in a way i am very delihgted with the outpouring of new housemen we are currently experiencing- less burden and hopefully less on-calls! ( less calls equals to less extra allowances but then again i am not willing to sacrifice the 3 quarters of my time for the sake of the job. i need time for family and for myself - a right that is deliberately overlooked by the current system.) stop complaining why freshly graduated docs prefer to work oversea : other than the pay, it's the system! doc's welfare are much better taken care of. u know what's the standard line our superiors always like to remind us? we've been through hell and so should you. and oh this is the best part - coming from a deputy state health director during my induction course : a fellow houseman raised a question ; what is the channel for us to voice out our disapproval had we been ill-treated by the superiors. you wanna know what his answer was? - i swear i couldn't believe my ears- ; there is none. just deal with it - very evil-sounded yet the most honest answer i have ever heard.

so far my defense mechanism still works in an acceptable range though it has been edgy many many times :$ :$.. but the best one came from a psychiatrist (no, surprisingly i'm still sane. i met her during a general meeting, not a session :P ). i really now hold on to that to survive work : she said - just remember that everytime you attend to and treat a patient, you will be rewarded big time by the Almighty- even by just smiling at them.

they keep reminding us to work sincerely as well, which i fully agree. but they need to understand that being sincere and being overworked is two different situations. to be sincere is my duty but to get a proper time off is my right!

there you have it.



lucky enough to attend the eiffel tower's 120 years celebration. they cracked a total of 15 thousands fireworks for the event and it was a pure genius and brilliant set of fireworks! like a toddler behind us exclaimed; c'est beau!!! i was suffocating in the sea of people but totally forgot about the hypoxic breathing once the show began. to my beau, merci bien. i hurt you a lot i know, but you are the best thing i have ever had. there are loads of sacrifice you made on my course and i want you to know i acknowledge and appreciate every one of them. i love you and can't wait to have you home!!! baby i love you;X

CONFESSION OF A SHOPPAHOLIC

it has been quite a well since i last blogging with SENSE. huhuh. i finally received my first pay around last month. damn happy at that moment. and paraphrasing Collin firth's in Love Actually : ' a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do' hohohoh.

went to KL / kuantan recently with positive balance of these :

I just cant resist that ballerina shoes. they're just too adorable to ditch!! As for the shades, that's just my nafsu subliming , forcing me to own one heheh.

i was recently transferred to the busiest and most chaotic ward in the hospital. What a grim. To Ana, I'm sorry I couldn't attend your wedding. i was supposed to go back by 1.00 pm that day, but my piling workload ( and fussy patient's relatives) had successfully barricaded that from happening, in fact extended my working hours up to 7.00 pm.

I am up for assesment anytime now. im guessing it's gonna be either wednesday or thursday.
Bonne Chance a moi!