Endurance

What a test.. O lord.. :(

racletting again!

and it was soo fulfilling. had a new year dinner with my close pals last night at chez moi and it was awesome. we have chefs amongst us who can cook better than the masterchef participants ( exaggerate  giler) . anyway, got the opportunity to eat raclette again ( thanks to izy who bought the cheese) last night and encore, this evening with husband.  

this year's resolution : 

1. MRCPCh part 1 

2. NEW home (hopefully)

3. Wish to start a business ( yo yo je haha) 

4. New work place? in or out? hmm:)

5. Better Servant to Allah, better wife to husband, better mom to son, better me for family, better doctor, better friend.

Insyaallah. how about you?

Kota SAS

just now, went to kota sas to claim my deposit cheque. took the opportunity to visit our house. c'est finir. dah siap:) . jalan je tak tar lagi. went inside.feel a bit small compared to masa survey rumah contoh kosong dulu. but whatever it is. sunlight exposure is good.x gelap la walaupun rumah intermediate . backyard pun agak spacious. boleh la buat small garden nnt hihi.

x sabar plak nk masuk n decorate rumah. harap ada duit di masa akan datang.
Ya Allah. murahkan lah rezeki kami. amin.

rumah contoh.bkn rumah koi.gambar pinjam from internet.

gambar hiasan

it's been a while since i last wrote . i guess today i want to discuss about work. again. can you believe my odd , getting THREE  MAS* with PPHN** in THREE consecutive oncalls! i just shook my head in disbelief. may be God wants me to learn tip top in managing pphn. one survived one died and one is still battling. May Allah save this one too...

if you think about it, labour is a very risky phase in pregnancy.It can be tragic. some children grow well in utero with no complication at all, ready to get out of the womb. but, because of complications such as prolonged 2nd phase due to various reasons, commonly poor maternal effort in pushing, or cord prolapse,  or sudden placental abruption, they  end up with severe asphyxia , with sequalae or even death. the same goes to those baby who passed meconium ( poo) in utero (which happened alot) . at the very moment they are about to come out, a few number of them swallowed and aspirated the meconium into their lungs, causing blockage in gas exchange therefore compromised breathing.
i can't help feeling sorry for the parents. they surely have imagined a better , more cheerful life with a new member in their little family, but end up in sorrow and grief because of one unfortunate event during labour.  it would be different if things have already been anticipated long before labour. atleast they are mentally ready..

alas, this is life. i'm glad i could be at the other end. trying to save these babies. most of the time it was not apreciated at all, which is fine as we do get the satisfaction solely  by resucitating and managing them without their parents thanking. it just that sometimes these people went overboard by complaining of petty things added with false statements that makes me think, your child was almost dead and he survived well  after much effort to revive him from going 6 feet under  and you are still complaining?? ungrateful cows you are.

* meconium aspiration syndrome
** persistent pulmonary hypertension of newborn

Heaven waits

I remember the faces and names of all the blessed children that passed away while under my care. I kissed everyone of them. The latest was today. God loves you. I love you too.

The prime lecture

Had a nice chat with my big boss yesterday morning, about so many things. Mainly of my future plans. The conclusion by the end of the day was to be in this field required one to be an independent, strong willed superwoman. I love what I am doing at the moment. Big chance Id persue neonatalogist as sub specialty. Long time down the line there is. Who knows I d choose a different path. Not yet at the crossroad. Inshallah will write More properly later. Haven't logged in for quite a while. Am on call currently. Waken up by a phone call for resuscitation of a non vigorous baby. Primary apnea perhaps. Was fine by 1 minute. But now I can't sleep!-

we are 3

in 20 minutes we'll be celebrating our third anniversary. only that we are currently 120 km apart :( but am positive still ! hoping for a lovely hubby-wifey anni-dinner tomorrow night! can't wait!! ;-) BONNE ANNIVERSAIRE  husband. we have been married for 3 years! 3 wonderful years with one adorable son:) more to come inshaallah. may we live happilly ever after in health, in wealth, in peace , in love :)

un macaron presque parfait

mesdames et messieurs, voila! my first baked macaron. this was my 2nd try. the first attempt was last year which eventually turned into a cake.  tastewise, the almond flavour were too strong, would prefer it to be more chocolate-ish. next holiday nak cuba lagik.

oh, walaupun agak x berpuas hati dgn macaron ini, tp rase bersemangat balik bila hubby ckp sedap . hohoho

les macarons de france

hari ini bercita2 nak baking. lbih bersemangat lpas tgk MC aussie london edition!:D  bonne chance a moi!

777

today marks the 4th year of our engagement anniversary. Up and down together, only to nurture a more solid relationship day by day. thank you for being the loving husband and father as you are now ;X;X

bored

i feel like watching a french film. but I have none downloaded at the moment.

i don't like oncall during weekend. sigh :(

The day Red Rose met Snow White

Princess Rouge Babylone and Princess Blanc Banquise

opening the coupe

Went for a car detailing service yesterday and (for a second time) I saw a Bianca White 308 coupe cabriolet! this time in a  much closer range, in fact I got to touch it! hahaha jakun jap:D 

Royal Weekend

Congratulation Prince William. The wedding was epical.  ternganga tengok :D

Amis

I thought losing a friendship was quite manageable. well it is manageable. but I cannot forever hold back this one big inner thought that is screaming to know the reason WHY?


By the way, Happy birthaday Aja ! My April born colleague ;-)  No, my friendship with Aja is still steel-hard intact :D

harris et maher zain 2.0

coming to term

I don't know about you, but I only began to feel like a full grown adult after I started buying properties. I still felt young when i first get married, feeling a bit more mature after I found out I was pregnant, motherly after Harris was born, but still more or less clinging to parents / other family members. but now, as we began to deal with those people like sales advisers, corporate lawyers, bankers and stuff - on our own... , I can't help but feeling.. nervous, whenever I have time to think deeply about it.  I am becoming the adult that  I previously, only observed. Now , I am one of them.

I really really hope both me and husband could be  great parents to Harris ( and hopefully his later siblings ).

no turning back. we are adults now.

gwyneth go gleek

you know I was no longer liking glee due to overstrecthed gay and jew highlights.. but then they invited gwyneth to their show.. i love this version so much. u hit it right gwyn!

to be and to live

Salut a tout!


liking my new banner? hehe. I like it ofcourse. kind of bored with the old one.

Old

 

nouvelle!

liverpool. they have reboost my liking for them for the following reasons :

• new coach 
• entertaining and superb performance by the newbies - louis suarez and andy caroll
• they beat Chelsea and Torres on his debut game for chelsea and against former club:D
• They BEAT Man U with a hatrick! :D:D
• The have replaced Carlsberg with Standard Chartered!! :D:D:D

boleh la beli kan harris official jersey.

Breastfeeding.

My body is very textbook physiological speaking. at least for pre and post delivery changes. textbook says contraception via exclusive breastfeeding is only effective up to  6 months, and true enough, my ovulation cycle restarted at 6 months post delivery- the last being when I conceived Harris of course. kinda miss the menstruation free days.
Alhamdulillah, up to now Harris has never had to taste any formula milk , even after weaning.
talk about food , menu du jour for harris would be... Apple puree with milked mashed potato!

bonded love

lately harris is soo 'manja' with me. there are times when he would only be queitened by me. not that i'm complaining, i'm touched in a way to see that he has bonded well with me, but considering the nature of my job, we cannot afford such circumstance. while locuming last night, my hubby had to bring him to the clinic as he was inconsolable. and by the time he came, i had like half a dozen of patients waiting for me. poor my little child.


patient : anak dokter ke nangis kat luar tu? siannye

me: err...

Dinner at my place!

I hosted an 'end of posting' dinner on the 2nd March 2011 at chez moi. it was awesome.
My leave started on that day, therefore i began the morning quite late, geting cozy with harris in bed till 9 am hehe. by 10 o'clock, I went to the market with grand-mere, buying quite a lot of stuffs. damn, the 2 kg meat loaf costs me a whopping 46 ringgit! i never knew it was that expensive ! ( as i never bother to do grocery-shopping at wet market for the last two years :D ), so along with that, we bought 6 whole chickens, vegies and spices. by 12.30 pm, we started cooking. the menus and work assignments are as follows :

• grandmother recipe of buttered rice - obviously by my grandma
• chicken with red chile sauce ( ayam masak merah la tu) - by grandma and maid
• paprik-style vegies - by maid
• vanilla muffin - by auntie
• cottage pie - by me!!
• chicken and beef satay  - ordered from pak cik din :)

the rice was delicious!the cottage pie as expected, was way below par compared to the rice tastefulness quality but edible anyway haha.

My cottage pie was next to the muffin, not within the captured scene ;)

Many of my close friends came and was so touched as some of them came from as far as chini, lipis and sungai tekam for the sake of honouring my invitation! one very good pal even swapped on-call that day so he could join us.  two  surgeons - whom i lookep up to very dearly- were also among the attendees eventhough they had to go through pouring rain to get here. no words can describe how thankful and touched I am.

Harris was the centre of attention that night.  everybody was taking turn holding him:D when Harris was held by  one of surgeons, I ( automatically) whispered to myself : May you be a succesful surgeon like him one day, my child =)

for my surgical colleagues, thank you for making me feel very welcomed while I was there. I truly enjoyed working as part of the team. We have a great set of comitted surgeons, dedicated MOs and  (some) reliable housemen :) I don't mind prolonging my stay there actually, but need to move on with what I decided to pursue.Inshallah the friendship would remain :)

* now trying to picture Harris as a surgeon .. hmmmm :D

brand new year

life feels a bit brand new these days. i guess i would just keep it to myself as for the reason why.

My placement has been confirmed. Behold! I am entering Paediatric department by March 7, 2011 as a full fledged medical officer :)  I received  my full registration and APC as early as when I first joined surgical team actually but still need to complete my last posting as a house officer. anyway I did ( n still do) a medical officer job and calls there all the same.

May Allah guide my every decision and would not left me deserted.

time to read  again!(after a long long time).

now.. when will i get my UD44 pay? huhuhu.

in limbo

I'm in a dilemma.
Do I really want to join the Paed team? I don't know. A lot of things have been circling in my mind lately.
one thing I'm sure of, I'm more of a medically-orientated person rather than surgical. For instance, when I attended to a case with multiple morbidities, I tend to highlight more on the patient's medical maladies rather than his/her clear cut  and simple surgical problem.
I loved paediatric. or so I thought when I was there. but now, after being blessed with my own child, I have new issue to deal with. Maternal instinct. I don't know if I can bear poking babies 10 to 20 times for lines, wether I can bear watching them succumb to their illnesses, hearing them cries with no mothers by their side to calm them, to not feed them orally for days or weeks or even months.. they are so fragile and weak.. yet they have to endure all the sufferings that they themselves are too young to understand.

these are not acts of cruelty. in fact, what we are doing -  i dare say- is very nobel. The only problem is, I have to see them suffer in order to see them get better ( if the ever do). I'm feeling so miserable just because of this uncertainty. God help me.

Another dilemma is.. my husband feels it is time for me to apply for transfer, so that we can live together. I am looking forward to it.The buts are :

1. who is going to look after Harris. yes we have maid. but at present time, we enjoy the privillege of having my grandparents' supervision - who actually take care of our son more than the maid does. I'm yet to trust her handling Harris alone. probably a cctv would solve this problem.:D
2. Paed department of that particular hospital has always been 'credited' as the most horrible department to be at. it s gonna be like walking myself into a lions' den in a zoo full of reptiles.
3. I am not ruling out Health Clinic. It would be a bonus to me and my family in term of quality time. and I can study for MRCPch. however, there would  be no more oncall claim  then,of which at the moment contributing quite a significant amount to my monthly income.

God help me.

it's been almost 8 years since I began to share love and feelings with my then boyfriend-turn- husband. quite a journey really. it's been both a  rollercoaster ride and a really slow it's-a-small-world ride for us. despite the seemingly endless rants and bickerings over the tiniest of things, we always end up having each other's back at the end of the day. we sulk during the day , by night time we cuddled and make fun of each other's childish act. it sort of gets less and less romantic over time as we have truly known each other in and out of every titbit. but it does bring our relationship to a greater level of trust and love. He completes me and I hope, I him.  Thank you Allah for  blessing me with such a loving and loyal husband with whom I share a very lovely son ( and more to come!)  . I love my two boys.

Ya Allah, guide us towards Your path.

Give me strength to get through this..

May the brighter days await.

roarrrr

lalalala..

The Domino effect

I am astonished. the abrupt onset of people's revolution in Middle east has both amazed and scared me. amazed to see that they finally find the courage to act against dictators ( and also by the dictators' ridiculous, stubborn  and desperate acts in order to cling to a thread of power), but scared by the burgeoning number of people who perceive this as an oppurtunity to break laws and  to act inhumane.

I just hope they would restabilise their countries very quickly before those zionists and their allies intervene and ruin yet another historically majestic countries as the did in Iraq.

By the way, to learn that the very incident that triggered all these happened in a place that i have been to ( sidi bousaid )  is quite .. eerie.

May Allah be with us..