Wednesday, December 23, 2009

the transition

happy new year /end of the year everyone.

Life has been fantastic for me these days.
i am currently posted to acident and emergency department. already on my 3rd week now. for once, i enjoy my working life. Not because i love being a first liner, but because i feel like i am being treated as a human being again.very minimal superiority-ism, and most of all, proper time off;-)- something i ve been yapping about for the past one year.hohoho.

in A&E, i have met all kind of patients - from the ones who'll make you laugh till you almost get a vasovagal attack, to the ones who will really push your level of tolerance to the edge. i wonder how those general practitioner could still hold on to their sanity after all the chronic years being exposed to all the ridiculous presenting complaints. just yesterday a father brought his son to A&E and asked me wether i could cut his son's frenulum ( the cenrally located thin membrane that hold your tongue to the buccal floor ) because he claimed that his 8 year old son has a 'short tongue' speech. so he intelligently thought that by cutting the frenulum it will resolve the speech problem. what a fab father.

And my advice to the public; if you happened to be trivially unwell ( like sore throat, common cold, mild abdominal pain) or chrooonically unwell ( like 5 day history of vomiting, 1 week history of fever, 2 months of ear pain ) please do not opt to come to the hospital after 12 midnight when you could have come muuuuch earlier when there are more staffs around. it is quite ignorant of you to come and bugging us at wee hours for non-urgent illness, when those time and energy should be reserved to attend patients who really needs urgent intervention. total ignorant and inconsiderate.

personal life

we are buying a second car :) currently awaiting for loan approval. Our parents have been a lot of help in the process.can't thank the four of you enough. we are buying the car using cheri's parent's loan allocation and my parents so thoughtfully bought us a plate number. i wanted a number that is similar to our current car, but sombody has tendered for it earlier:(

the weather is very dull these days.cloudy and wet. reminds me of Dublin. and I miss it..
will go there again someday.
And dang.just a few days back i was suddenly super-hype with gucci's Ladies web hobo, this morning, i saw one of my senior colleague rocking one. bytch besnye:P

Monday, November 23, 2009

Someone special

i was browsing cheri's external hard disc earlier this evening and found this. An old memory abruptly resurfaced. i gave him this 6 years ago in reply of another mty bear(s). cheesy and lame i know but it's still freaking sweeet and.. lovey :P

Thursday, November 19, 2009


my assessment went rather well the other day.
i was able to answer all the orthopaedic questions she threw at me.
but i did meet a cul- de- sac finally to a GENERAL MEDICAL question : which was ' massive blood transfusion complications' - something that has never really crossed my mind to be asked about and something that i definitely couldnt twist with my logic because when i looked upon the topic after that, it was way out of my 'goreng' circuit. but at least now i know what the complications are;-) and oh, i cant believe i struggled big time with hypovolaemic shock grading. quite embarassing and unacceptable when i think about it.

anyway, i did have something to cheer about post-assessment. initially , my assessor told a good friend that i have passed my assessment. then, she even told a class of medical students + some fellow housemen that i did pretty well for my assesment. it definitely made my day *-^

Friday, November 13, 2009

manu encore

mais quand on se verra, un jour ou l'autre
mais quand tu serra la, ce jour ou l'autre
je saurai que c'est toi, parmi tant d'autre
meme sans dire un mot

aahh je suis amoureux de chanson et je suis amoureuse de mon mari :P trop belle!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

survey , sorta

do i like my current posting?
yes and no.

Yes to the HOD, yes to the likable and ever very pleasant and professional chinese specialist, yes to the nurses team (mostly), yes to a handful of colleagues, yes to a few MOs.

but no to the shouting-prone specialist, no to those who practise favouritism, no to the stressful pass over sessions, no to the long ot sessions, no to drama filled meetings, no to drama queens!

otherwise, life is good on and off work :)

Monday, November 09, 2009


Terdapat isteri calon wakil rakyat Pas yang menangis dan menggeletar pada majlis bai'ah apabila mendengar ikatan perkahwinan mereka dijadikan bahan tebusan demi kepentingan politik kepartian yang sempit dan jumud.
Gelojak rasa itu turut dikongsi si suami yang menggigil sewaktu mengangkat bai'ah yang memberi kata dua sama ada terus setia kepada parti atau bercerai talak tiga dengan isteri. - utusan malaysia 9 nov 09

whoaaa chill out bro.I wouldn't disagree more if this piece of reporting was true ( dont really care if it was not true either, I merely loathe the idea of such people exist!). Are these people THAT neurotic to actually willing to put their marriages at stake for power politic?
I know most of them has a sincere heart, sincerely believing they are fighting for a right course and blah blah, which I think is a good quality. But that doestn't permit you to be stupid!! this stupid! my dear fellow muslims Malaysians, I respect (and share) your intention that religious values should be the core in navigating your political ideas, that your political party should be a platform for you to implement it.However to blatantly worship THAT party like GOD (God forbid) is freaking way out of line. At the end of the day, it is just a platform, operated by mere humans; which are bound to make mistakes here and there. You can always find a new platform to channel your ideas, but are you really that douchey to leave your wife forever (whom you might still be in love with) for it. where do you learn such things? why do people like you guys exist? Learn to prioritise your responsibility as a leader! It always starts with you, second comes your family and only then, others and what not. God why do i even bother to preach teach you that. git!

P/S : forgot to mention in previous post. have bought the chest box too!!!! found it at Pavillion :) now, cheri, only 3 more items left : CD's j'adore, sun shades, and my white chanel 2.55 ;-)

Thursday, November 05, 2009

post call

turned out i had a busy call yesterday. 14 admissions and 3 discharges. but it was a good call. i enjoyed the company of the A&E team and some helpful colleagues and nurses. well, in ortho the call itself can be quite exciting actually; but what makes us rather reluctant (or dare i say 'phobic'?) to face it is the pass-over session. got lectured pretty long on certain topic by my specialist, but that was like blah compared to the possibility of being shouted at, which i am so relieved to escape.
had a long nice sleep this evening. :)

will be jorneying to SP tomorrow eve.

good night cheri. good night every one:)

Monday, November 02, 2009

neuroprexic state of mind

feeling a bit off today. hubby dear went back to kuantan early this morning. working life occilated between timid cheerfullness and mood-wrenching episodes. ah well, should i care more? yes of course no i shouldnt. let's apply what DR F , a senior psychiatrist, said the other day during the stress management CME; you yourself decides whether you want to be affected by the given situation or not. and this time, i will try my best to be optimistic.

come what may. i ll face it with a smile :)

we bought a refridgerator :P

God, please grant me a good call tommorow and smooth pass-over session the next day.
n God, i beg you to let me have my mini break by the end of this week ;-)

Saturday, October 03, 2009


*message alert* for cheri :P

1. new CD's j'adore
2. lovely lace's chest box
3.refridgerator ( yes havent got one!) visit
5. dark brownish shades ( a morgan will do)
6. white coco chanel 2.55 <--------aim : by 2020 ;-)

Friday, October 02, 2009

MY Best Friends' weddings

alhamdulillah. i have a marvellous time for these past few weeks. I'm happy at work, I'm happy at home. why? for many reasons.well, i have only three oncalls last month. Plus, a more than willing friend will take my call this coming weekend, my two bridesmaids -Miey and Ally- has just got married (attended) and is getting married (will attend) respectively (hihi), meeting fams during eid, pampered meself with a pair of armour plate buckle flats for raya friends coming over for eid, etc etc etc. but most of all, i am very ultimately happy to be at my husband's side again. with him around, everything seems to fall into place as its should. it partially feels like miracle, you know. whatever it is, im just grateful, and cant thank God enough for it.

Miey and Afif, what more can we say . CONGRATULATION!!
I was so touched when I heard the akad. the Tok kadi was the one who was nervous instead of afif who sounded so steady when declaring the akad:P and yes miey, id say this again ; Finally! ;-)
many Tahapian friends turned up at the reception. it quickly became our batch's unofficial mini reunion. the bride and groom were looking very radiant. it was a very harmonious saturday. meeting friends I havent seen for 9 years ( i'm feeling very old:(( ) at my bestfriend's wedding:)
it was rather incredible to find out what each and everyone of us has become, an ADO, daddies, mommies, husband and wives, lecturers, etc and then looked back at what we were 10 years ago. i know i personally have changed a lot since then ; in both priciples and attitude, although it is not something i regret doing. as i age through time and space, I sort of discovered a wider perspective about life. and I'm glad that my husband and I are sharing many similar views .aah.. c'est la vie and jai ho :-)

to all tahapian friends, Hanis just delivered a beautiful 3.1 kg baby girl ( alia aqilah) early morning yesterday via caesarean section in HOSHAS. both baby and mother are well;-)

pmc/dubliner mates, hope to meet you guys at ally's wedding this weekend;-)

Saturday, September 05, 2009


My first impression about this posting was not a good one. i came to a pretty fast conclusion that obs and gynae team was waaaaaaaay better organised than the ortho team. up to today, my impression hasn't changed. i sort of enjoy orthopaedic posting as well, but i realised that i ve lost so many privilleges too, which i enjoyed during my time in O&G.
  • first of all, i have no more weekend off.
  • secondly, ortho's staff nurses are relatively unreliable in comparison, in almost every way.
  • thirdly, housemen have almost always become the team's least in O&G we have our dear HOD to back us up.but in ortho, even if the downfall is between the specialists to begin with, they will find a way to twist and turn things until they find a houseman to put the blame on, followed by unnecessary punishments and threats; which to me is ridiculous and disgraceful.
  • fourth, i hate threats!
  • fifth, i dislike nursing ulcers and broken bones.(for my sake, u diabetic people please do not take your feet for granted! start caring for it!!)

it's about time they realize the karma in gaining respect. respect is something you earn. u treat others like shit, you'd get the same in return. we might obey whatever you have to say, but God knows what we are bitching about you behind your back.
i know for a fact that surgical posting will be worse. their specialists and senior MOs are literally gangsters.from what i heard there had been a couple or more instances whereby patients got beaten up. and oh, they have a very absurd oncall rules.. stupid really.

fortunately, to topple all these negativity , is the fact that my husband is finally home for good. and i have a handful of nice friends as well ; which is why, i am not too stressed out by all these dramas.

so far, i have quite a peaceful Ramadhan too. alhamdulillah. most of the time i break fast with my grandparent and sis. i have bought my baju raya too ( hohoho). hubby and I will be wearing maroon-ish pair of clothes inshallaah;-) mum n dad will be wearing golden brown perhaps. raya cookies? havent thought of any. will deal with that soon:P

mie and afif is getting married after raya. and i would smile to even the tinge of thought about it, knowing their cute history from the beginning and finally tying the knot inshaallah;-) selamat bersiap, jgn panik2. it will be a blissful day definitely. something you will remember all your life and light you up even when the whole world betrays you. chewah. but really, that's the power of being in love and its celebration. it makes you feel at ease. settled. secured.

i love you. husband. family. and friends.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

it's mushy time - no need to read

hmm today, im pretty happy. why? coz hubby has landed home!! though not directly to me.. yet. lookin forward to spend lifetime with you bb. already started decorating chez nous. browsing home necessities around town ( though hasnt really bought them yet:P it'd be more fun to shop together wouldn't it?:P:P)

i am seriously in love with my husband,who was my first and last boyfriend - my bestest friend of friends. a husband for eternity ;X;X

with endless love n hugs n kisses

your now-high-spirited wife;-)

Monday, August 17, 2009

what a pair of twats

a marriage that's built over other's broken marriage.
blissful? hah, dream on gits.
obviously this very fast onset occasion reaffirmed his ex-wife's claim.
i cant believe someone supposedly this religious and well clad could afford to be a plain slut as she proved to be. and the so-called self proclaimed tabligh abandoning his wife for months and you expect she didnt retaliate??? n u dare to say she menderhaka to you while you had your own sweet time having an affair w someone way down below par compared to your exwife (in that matter) without really letting her go or gave a clear cut resolution? what a bastard you are.

i doubt this two would be happy at all. From the beginning it's already faulty. they may try though.

p/s am i the only one who feels nauseated to the max looking at that slut's gleeful face? hah

p/p.s cant wait to have hubby back and adventuring ramadhan together. come back quick hunnie bunnie;-)

Monday, August 10, 2009

jerk n jerkiness

what i feel like doing? singing on top of my lung n dancing in the middle of the road :) call me crazy, but im sure that could release this looong bottled feeling i have inside. only then, i could say.. 'yeeaahh... im feeling good' :)

DANCING in the moonlite sounds nice dontcha think? hahah

ya Rabbi.

Monday, August 03, 2009

love , job, and les ballerines

My Best friend is engaged! too bad i couldn't attend the ceremony as i was away.
congratulation dear! i am sooo happy for the two of you. still waiting for pictures;-) muahxxxx ;X

secondly, i am leaving obstetric and gynaecology department for ( drummmmmm trtrtrtrtriittt) ... ORTHOPAEDICS . the fist remark a colleague made when i told her regarding the news ' wah, jobless lah kau 4 bulan pasni :P ' i sure hope so. but the problem is, i am not really into nursing gross diabetic food and fracture reduction and polytraumatic management. oh well, what the hell, it's ortho baby. enjoy it while it lasts. hohohohoh! i'm gonna miss O&G though. i have sort of built a bond with the team; specialists, mo's, ho's and some nurses. the best HOD ever resides in ONG and im leaving it:( quite emotional about it. huhuh.

i have added a few more stuffs into my collection, and am loving every inch of them!!
welcoming portefeuille Sarah and another (graffiti zucca ) ballerina shoes ! man im deeply into balerina shoes these days.

oh baby, i love you

other ballerines that attract my heart and eyes are chloe's ballerina slippers and LV's ballerina mayfair

awww how cuteee. if only huhuh. but of course, ballerina shoes has somewhat always been chanel-esque, so may i say it would be imperfect not to dream of owning its flats!
all flats bow to Her Majesty :P

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

c'est pas trop tard pour le change

sometimes i wonder if i had made a right choice by being a doctor. I am not so happy with my given tasks most of the time for now, but something is telling me I'm gonna be grateful and delighted to be where i will be eventually. i really pray my intuition would turn out right.
why i don't like it much for now?

well, first of all i hate being bossed around - i don't mind specialists - but i hate unnecessary orders by the seniors ( especially if they are just the budding ones - mengade nak mampus) and utterly hate it when it comes from the nurses. man i hate that. i love my current head of department. she's like an angel seriously. a very rare quality for a Malaysian specialist ( who thinks superiority is compulsory to be displayed in every possible channels they could think of- an attitude that rarely worn by the mat saleh Irish specialists i believe. my H.O.D would defend us the mere housemen from stupid complaints notably coming from a few particular Sisters ( one is a serious bitch) anda handful of idiot plus ignorant nurses. uhhh i totally love it when she threw back the dung right onto their snub faces warghaahahaha! and if it was not for her, i doubt i could be flying to Paris for - what most of my friends called - our second honeymoon. i m not really sure what honeymoon supposed to mean exactly; i mean we've been married for almost a year - but yes i think i did suffer honeymoon cystitis afterward :P

secondly, the on-calls. i don't appreciate a series of disturbed sleeps let alone sleepless nights! what even bothers me is how frequent they are. My husband did voice his concern that i wont be around much for him considering numerous monthly on-call nights. we haven't been staying together yet since i started my housemanship. so i honestly don't know how exactly it's gonna be.but i seriously want to work it up to maximise my time with him - if it be within my power. in a way i am very delihgted with the outpouring of new housemen we are currently experiencing- less burden and hopefully less on-calls! ( less calls equals to less extra allowances but then again i am not willing to sacrifice the 3 quarters of my time for the sake of the job. i need time for family and for myself - a right that is deliberately overlooked by the current system.) stop complaining why freshly graduated docs prefer to work oversea : other than the pay, it's the system! doc's welfare are much better taken care of. u know what's the standard line our superiors always like to remind us? we've been through hell and so should you. and oh this is the best part - coming from a deputy state health director during my induction course : a fellow houseman raised a question ; what is the channel for us to voice out our disapproval had we been ill-treated by the superiors. you wanna know what his answer was? - i swear i couldn't believe my ears- ; there is none. just deal with it - very evil-sounded yet the most honest answer i have ever heard.

so far my defense mechanism still works in an acceptable range though it has been edgy many many times :$ :$.. but the best one came from a psychiatrist (no, surprisingly i'm still sane. i met her during a general meeting, not a session :P ). i really now hold on to that to survive work : she said - just remember that everytime you attend to and treat a patient, you will be rewarded big time by the Almighty- even by just smiling at them.

they keep reminding us to work sincerely as well, which i fully agree. but they need to understand that being sincere and being overworked is two different situations. to be sincere is my duty but to get a proper time off is my right!

there you have it.

lucky enough to attend the eiffel tower's 120 years celebration. they cracked a total of 15 thousands fireworks for the event and it was a pure genius and brilliant set of fireworks! like a toddler behind us exclaimed; c'est beau!!! i was suffocating in the sea of people but totally forgot about the hypoxic breathing once the show began. to my beau, merci bien. i hurt you a lot i know, but you are the best thing i have ever had. there are loads of sacrifice you made on my course and i want you to know i acknowledge and appreciate every one of them. i love you and can't wait to have you home!!! baby i love you;X

Saturday, July 04, 2009

footy headline

i havent blogged about my favorite sport for a loooong time.

sooo.. Owen? The LIVERPOOL born michael owen ( not Hargreaves) is now A Man United boy??
unbeliverpool.. they are probably planning to start an Owens collection in their museum squad..

karim benzema is now raul's teammate . good luck frenchie.

oh federer, by all means please win your dunno-what-number Wimbledon. it's your court!!!

Friday, June 26, 2009

will you be there

Hold Me
Like The River Jordan
And I Will Then Say To Thee
You Are My Friend

Carry Me
Like You Are My Brother
Love Me Like A Mother
Will You Be There?

Tell Me Will You Hold Me
When Wrong, Will You Scold Me
When Lost Will You Find Me?

But They Told Me
A Man Should Be Faithful
And Walk When Not Able
And Fight Till The End
But I'm Only Human

Everyone's Taking Control Of Me
Seems That The World's
Got A Role For Me
I'm So Confused
Will You Show To Me
You'll Be There For Me
And Care Enough To Bear Me

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Lead Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

(Carry Me Boldly)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me There)

(Save Me)
(Heal Me And Bathe Me)
(Softly You Say To Me)
(I Will Be There)

(Lift Me)
(Lift Me Up Slowly)
(Carry Me Boldly)
(Show Me You Care)

(Hold Me)
(Lay Your Head Lowly)
(Softly Then Boldly)
(Carry Me There)

(Need Me)
(Love Me And Feed Me)
(Kiss Me And Free Me)
(I Will Feel Blessed)

In Our Darkest Hour
In My Deepest Despair
Will You Still Care?
Will You Be There?
In My Trials
And My Tribulations
Through Our Doubts
And Frustrations
In My Violence
In My Turbulence
Through My Fear
And My Confessions
In My Anguish And My Pain
Through My Joy And My Sorrow
In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow
I'll Never Let You Part
For You're Always In My Heart.

and my tears fell towards the end of this song..
the emotion and the message was so powerful that i can't hold back tears.
this era has long gone even before his passing, but now the reality hit rather hard, that this has now gone for good and for real.

Im starting from the man in The Mirror

c'est la bon Dieu qui nous fais
c'est la bon Dieu qui nous brise

Michael Jackson has passed away. The Michael Jackson has deceased.. i'm still processing this piece of news in my head. not very well adjusted to it yet..

i grew up listening to Michael's hits , mainly because my parents were his fans back then; and im still adoring his old sensational tracks. what a loss.

alhamdulillah, He finally opened his heart to our beautiful religion during his last few years on earth. May Allah grant you His mercy . ameen.

(click here for link to Press Statement by michael's brother Jermaine )

Monday, June 15, 2009

not just another day

it's the date i remember most. i have never forgotten it since i was 16.

happy birthday husband

Monday, June 01, 2009

a kid's tale

elle est tres mignon! too cute for words!! wish that was my child ;-) hehe

Thursday, April 30, 2009

lull - a - bye

Une chanson douce
Que me chantait ma maman
En suçant mon pouce
J'écoutais en m'endormant
Cette chanson douce
Je veux la chanter pour toi
Car ta peau est douce
Comme la mousse des bois

Pour toi ô ma douce
Jusqu'à la fin de ma vie

Now playing: Silverchair - Emotion Sickness
via FoxyTunes

Saturday, April 04, 2009

Ladies first

what a nice pair of shoes. And legs. don't know why, but i do have a thing for ballerina shoes these days. and the shades of gray does complement her beauty. oh By all means, Michelle looks great too.

Barrack is quite lean for a president, don't you think? as for sarkozy, marrying a supermodel does come with a price. :D

i quietly turned 26 yesterday. it was a very humble birthday compared to previous occasions. what did I do at 12 midnight? - ambu-bagging one newly intubated patient while waiting for bed availability in CCU. i wished myself happy birthday under my breath and smiled.

i also had an end-of- posting assessment with the hospital director in the evening the same day. perhaps, it was my birthday luck, he endorsed and let me proceed with the next posting rather easilly. for the record, he is quite notoriously known for his liking to extend us housemen over trivial and petty stuff. that's why i felt like i must have had that birthday charm with me during the assessment hehehe.

and so, i called up several friends afterward to have dinner at secret recepi to sort of celebrate my getting-through with the pengarah. it was a fine evening. by God, i didnt intend to celebrate birthday at all, i didnt even order cakes. the reason i chose secret recepi was because i was salivating for their grilled blackpepper chicken. however one of my friends suddenly remembered the date and thus they threw me an abrupt and brief birthday party. thanks anyway. like i said. it was a fine evening.

thanks miey and dolly for the lovely thoughts. these two has so far never failed to wish me happy birthday since they first knew me. i am touched - greatly.

and most of all, thank you my dear great loving husband for all the love, thought and care you have showered me with. it was so sweet when you said your love for me would never be the same today and tomorrow as it keeps on growing each day. that was very sweet and i will never forget that for eternity. i just hope you kept your words for just as long.

i love you, baby.

Now playing: Taylor Swift - [Love Story ]
via FoxyTunes

Monday, March 16, 2009


it has been quite a well since i last blogging with SENSE. huhuh. i finally received my first pay around last month. damn happy at that moment. and paraphrasing Collin firth's in Love Actually : ' a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do' hohohoh.

went to KL / kuantan recently with positive balance of these :

I just cant resist that ballerina shoes. they're just too adorable to ditch!! As for the shades, that's just my nafsu subliming , forcing me to own one heheh.

i was recently transferred to the busiest and most chaotic ward in the hospital. What a grim. To Ana, I'm sorry I couldn't attend your wedding. i was supposed to go back by 1.00 pm that day, but my piling workload ( and fussy patient's relatives) had successfully barricaded that from happening, in fact extended my working hours up to 7.00 pm.

I am up for assesment anytime now. im guessing it's gonna be either wednesday or thursday.
Bonne Chance a moi!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

life has obnoxiously changed so freaking much. it was different 5 months ago, another version 2 months ago and now this. i really don't care anymore. i sort of became soulless lately, indifferent, blunted and just live life for the sake of living.

i do have beautiful family waiting at home. the staffs in general are acceptably nice. in fact some do become rather close acquaintances of mine, yes. but the seniors are mostly superior-ish and some are even snobbish. my working environment is actually relatively very conducive and the view outside, surprisingly is quite refreshing.

yet i still feel like i don't belong to the system.

but then again, really, i don't care anymore. no one give a shit anyway.

to my dear friends, i miss spending time with most of you. i miss the familiar faces i used to hang out with. i miss my old skool friends whom i'd been thru the toughest period of life with.
james and angel called the other day. how they had made my night. thanks guys. i really miss those days. ..

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

endless torment

quite sum up the real situation over the said conflict.

Another point I would like to make clear ;-

Israel DID NOT come to the once PALESTINIANS' land in peace. THEY INVADED and KILLED just like terrorist militants. To call Hamas a terrorist organization is an injustice and a water-clear bias opinion,if without labeling the evil Israel the same.

I am freaking SICK of the mainstream media. thank Jon. You prove to me that there are still Jews who are able to call a spade, a spade!